And letting go is okay.
I have friends who always tells me that I am a patient person with high tolerance and I guess that is true for most parts. I choose to see the best in people even if it means getting hurt at my expense. I try to fix what’s broken even if i know nothing good is going to come out of it. I feel better knowing that I’ve given my all before walking away.
They say love is patient, love is kind, love is not jealous and love does not envy. But is it? I’ve experience the opposite of all fours in a single instance and it opened my eyes that this wasn’t love. Controlling is not love, nor is manipulation, jealousy or possessiveness.
If it was love, I should have been able to make my own judgements and decisions without being guilt tripped. If it was love, I should have been able to decide what I want to do in my life because there’s trust. I should have been empowered, I should have been encouraged. I shouldn’t be manipulated into thinking that it’s a helping hand you’re lending because you know what’s best for me.
It’s not that I don’t appreciative fresh perspective and opinions. In fact I love new point of views which are different from mine for a more multi-dimensional view. Your opinions are valuable but the decision is mine and if it was love, I would have been supported in what I believed in.
The world is my oyster and the last thing I should be doing is confining myself to being told what to do, what I should wear, where I can go and what I should do with my career. I’ve lived long before you came along, so why do you think you know me better?
When this cycle repeats itself, it becomes toxic. And because it is a routine situation, I forget to take a step back and assess the bigger picture. I am that person, who lives day by day and to some extent in the moment, without thinking too far ahead. But when love becomes more about hanging on to what’s left than feeling happy, it’s time to put the breaks.
If this is love, I don’t want it. Not everyone you meet is here to stay, some are just walking lessons and this was mine for year 2021.